How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
