yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
