I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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