so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize