New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
