I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
