Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
