Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
