I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My bed smells like the plague
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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