i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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