I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
