apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
