Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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