so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
