I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
