You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
