Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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