we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
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There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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