3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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