I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
