his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
