Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize