I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
