i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
