Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sext me about skeletons
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
