its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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