Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
