Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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