Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
