I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
