Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
