Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
