oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
