i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
