After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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