Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
