I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
