Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
