he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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