The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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