Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

my being single is dangerous.

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(817): View more from Texas

i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side

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(209): View more from California

Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.

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(718): View more from New York

According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon

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(650): View more from California

So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?

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(847): View more from Illinois

I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.

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