I wish I could teleport
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
