please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
