i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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