and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
