My liver just broke up with me...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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