They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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