I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
God, I missed his penis.
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