One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
