Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
