I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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