Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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