I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
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You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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