you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
