is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
