Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
