From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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