dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
