Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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