Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
