the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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