i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
