if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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