mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
