laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
