Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
