the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
