Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
