Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
