hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
