my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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